When High-Functioning Men Are Still Dying Inside: James Ransone he was one of us!

The death of James Ransone, at just 46, stopped me cold.

To the public, he was a talented, working actor—The Wire, Generation Kill, Treme, Bosch, major films, steady roles. A husband. A father of two. On the surface, a life that “worked.”

But beneath the surface lived something far more common than most people want to admit: unresolved childhood sexual abuse.

In 2021, Ransone spoke publicly about being sexually abused at age 12 by a trusted adult. He described the kind of memories survivors rarely share—the shame, the secrecy, the bodily terror, the self-blame. He later linked that trauma to years of alcoholism and heroin addiction. Even after sobriety. Even after success. Even after telling the truth.

This is what society still does not understand.

High-Functioning Does Not Mean Healed

Many men who were sexually abused as boys grow up to be high-functioning survivors. They work. They provide. They perform. They smile. They show up.

And all the while, their nervous systems are stuck in survival.

Research consistently shows that childhood sexual abuse in boys is associated with higher rates of depression, substance use disorders, PTSD, relationship difficulties, and suicide later in life. Men are also far less likely to disclose abuse—and far more likely to die by suicide when they do struggle. Not because they are weaker, but because they are taught to stay silent.

We don’t call it trauma when it’s men.We call it addiction.We call it anger.We call it “workaholism.”We call it “a midlife crisis.”We call it anything except what it is.

So men cover the pain with careers. With drugs. With alcohol. With achievement. With distraction. With toughness. With silence.

And the world applauds—until it doesn’t.

The System Still Isn’t Built for Men

Here’s the part that breaks my heart—and fuels my work.

When men finally do come forward, they often hit walls:

• Prosecutors decline to pursue cases.

• Statutes of limitation erase accountability.

• Mental health systems minimize male sexual trauma.

• Public conversations about abuse center almost exclusively on women and girls.

• Media, politics, and policy largely ignore male survivors.

Layer on top of that the stereotypes:

“Men always want sex.”“Men can handle it.”“It couldn’t have been that bad.”“Why didn’t you fight back?”

These myths don’t just silence men—they kill them.

Why I Do This Work

I do this because I am one of them.

I am a male survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I lived through decades where competent help for boys and men simply didn’t exist. I watched men self-destruct quietly. I watched families confused by behavior they couldn’t understand. I watched “successful” men unravel behind closed doors.

My dream is simple and radical at the same time:millions of men getting real, trauma-informed help—without shame.

But that starts with naming the problem honestly.

Breaking the Abuse Code

That’s why I created Break My Abuse Code™.

It isn’t talk therapy dressed up in motivational language. It’s a structured, trauma-informed path designed specifically for men who were abused as boys—men who are stuck, numb, angry, compulsive, or quietly exhausted from carrying this alone.

The core truth is this:If you don’t know where to start, you’ll stay oblivious—not because you’re broken, but because trauma disrupts awareness itself.

Break My Abuse Code™ helps men:

• Understand how childhood sexual trauma shaped their nervous system

• Decode survival patterns that once helped but now harm

• Reduce shame (not by “thinking positive,” but by understanding the brain)

• Build regulation, identity, and agency—step by step

• Move toward a life that is chosen, not endured

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A New Year Is Coming

If you’re reading this and something in your chest tightened, pay attention to that.

You don’t need to have all the answers. You don’t need to retell your story today. You don’t even need to know what’s “wrong.”

You just need a starting point.

On this site, you’ll see the “Life By Your Design” Click it. Submit your email. And the journey starts—quietly, safely, and on your terms.

James Ransone’s story matters—not because he was famous, but because he was familiar. He represents countless men whose pain was invisible until it was too late.

We can do better.

And we must.

— Coach T

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact local emergency services or the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the U.S. by calling or texting 988. Help is available.