What's Wrong With Me? Could Childhood Sexual Abuse Still Be Affecting My Life?
- Jul 2
- 4 min read
Have you ever asked yourself:
"What's wrong with me?"
Maybe not out loud.
Maybe not to another person.
But quietly, in your own thoughts.
You look around and other people seem to have life figured out. They build relationships. They trust others. They appear confident. They seem comfortable in their own skin.
Meanwhile, you find yourself struggling with things you can't fully explain.
You may be successful in your career.
You may be married or in a long-term relationship.
You may be a father, a business owner, a leader, or someone others depend upon.
Yet inside, something feels off.
You find yourself wondering:
Why do I push people away?
Why do I get angry over small things?
Why can't I relax?
Why do I always feel on guard?
Why do I feel disconnected from myself?
Why do I struggle to trust people?
If these questions sound familiar, there may be more going on than you realize.
Meet David: A Successful Man Who Felt Broken Inside
David was 58 years old when he first reached out for help.
From the outside, he looked successful.
He had built a career, raised a family, and spent years doing what responsible men do—showing up, working hard, and taking care of everyone else.
But beneath the surface, he was exhausted.
His wife described him as emotionally distant.
His children rarely came to him with personal problems.
He felt disconnected from people he genuinely loved.
When conflict appeared, he either shut down completely or became defensive.
For years he believed he simply had a personality flaw.
He often thought:
"This is just who I am."
What David eventually discovered was that many of his behaviors weren't character defects at all.
They were survival strategies.
When Survival Becomes a Way of Life
Children who experience sexual abuse often learn lessons that help them survive difficult situations.
The Survival Strategies Children Learn
They may learn:
Not to trust people.
Not to ask for help.
Not to show emotions.
Not to draw attention to themselves.
To stay alert and watch for danger.
To handle everything alone.
As children, these strategies can make sense.
The problem is that what helps a child survive often follows him into adulthood.
Years later, those same strategies can create challenges in relationships, work, intimacy, and emotional wellbeing.
The child survives.
The man struggles.
The Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse in Men
Many men assume that if childhood sexual abuse affected them, they would know.
Unfortunately, that isn't always how it works.
Some men remember the abuse clearly.
Others have vague memories.
Some minimize what happened.
Others never connected their current struggles to events from decades ago.
Instead, the impact often appears through symptoms such as:
Difficulty Trusting Others
You want connection, but part of you remains guarded.
Even with people who have earned your trust.
Emotional Numbness
You know you should feel something, but instead you feel disconnected or flat.
Anger Over Small Things
Small frustrations trigger reactions that seem larger than the situation requires.
Hypervigilance and Always Being on Guard
You find yourself constantly scanning for problems, danger, rejection, or criticism.
Self-Sabotage
Just when things begin going well, you pull back, shut down, or create distance.
Relationship and Intimacy Challenges
You long for closeness, yet intimacy can feel uncomfortable, overwhelming, or unsafe.
These patterns are more common among survivors than many people realize.
There May Be Nothing Wrong With You
One of the most important things many survivors learn is this:
There may not be anything wrong with you.
There may be something that happened to you.
Those are very different things.
Many behaviors that survivors criticize themselves for are actually adaptations developed years earlier.
What once helped you survive may now be limiting your ability to thrive.
Understanding that difference can be the beginning of profound change.
Signs Childhood Sexual Abuse May Still Be Affecting Your Life
Questions You May Ask Yourself
Take a moment and honestly reflect on these questions:
Do I often feel different from other people?
Do I struggle to trust even those closest to me?
Do I feel emotionally numb, disconnected, or shut down?
Do I find myself constantly waiting for something bad to happen?
Have I spent years asking, "What's wrong with me?"
If you answered yes to several of these questions, it may be worth exploring whether childhood experiences are still influencing your life today.
Before You Leave...
If there's one thing I've learned after working with male survivors for more than two decades, it's that very few men come to me saying, "I think childhood sexual abuse is affecting my life."
Instead, they tell me they're exhausted.
They describe anger they can't explain, relationships they can't seem to hold together, feeling emotionally disconnected, or living with a constant sense that something is wrong with them.
Many have spent years trying to fix those symptoms without ever realizing they were responding to something much deeper.
If that's where you find yourself today, I hope this article has given you something incredibly valuable—not all the answers, but a different question.
Instead of asking, "What's wrong with me?"
You may begin asking,
"Could there be a reason I've felt this way for so long?"
Sometimes that single shift changes everything.
Understanding your story is often the first step toward changing it.
Begin With Life By Your Design
If this article raised questions you've never asked yourself before, you don't have to answer them all today.
Life By Your Design is a free 10-day experience created to help you explore whether childhood sexual trauma may still be influencing your emotions, relationships, and the way you experience life today. There's no pressure, no commitment, and no expectation that you'll have everything figured out—just a safe place to begin connecting the dots.
Sometimes awareness is where healing begins.
Carry less. Live Free!
Coach T
The contents of the website, newsletter, blog posts, courses, support meetings, and emails are for educational informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional mental health advice, or to diagnosis or treat. Always seek a health professional or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition. (c) 2001 - 2035 The Male Survivor's Journey program is conducted by Gray Matter Coaching Services L.L.C. Sacramento, CA . The Male Survivor’s Journey respects your privacy. We never share, sell, or disclose your personal information.
Comments